Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Nope, Still Pregnant

I was going to do a play on the whole 'apologies for the pregnant pause' thing, as it has been *a while* since my last post, but my sense of humour seems to have deserted me.

I am so chuffing pregnant.

So much for our tax baby. Apparently creature #2 gets her financial acumen from her father, and is showing no signs of arriving in a fiscally timely manner.

I have tried everything to get her out:

Walking: 4-5 miles a day over Christmas and the weekend. I thought this was more or less guaranteed, as I've convinced myself this was what brought on labour with Anna. But no, no baby for you!

Shagging: LK's response 'there's not enough gin'.

Trampolining: Yes I'm that desperate. No, it wasn't pretty, and I couldn't keep it up for more than 10 bounces at a time without needing to go to the loo. Come to think of it, the same happened with the shagging too.....

Breast Pump: Ahh, my old nemesis. Got milk? Yes. Baby? No.

Spicy Food: Indian food for lunch. I think the ensuing crampiness was indigestion though, although you should have seen LK's face when I told him I thought I felt a twinge. Possibly delight at welcoming a second child, or euphoria over not being approached to do the wild thing again.

Induction: My doctor's response 'but I'm not on call this week'. Me (under my breath as I'm terminally British) 'I don't care if it's you or not mate, any muppet can catch a baby'. When I tried a different tack and suggested that creature #2 is on the large side and that I didn't want a repeat of the great-rending-0f-2005 he said 'well, we know you're capable, you've done it before'. *Sigh*. Have decided not to wash my feet before my next appointment with him and the stirrups. That'll teach him!

Cleaning Floors: Nobody needs to have a baby that badly.


mccutcheon said...

Ali, you're hilarious :D
As soon as you can reach further than your baby bump again you should slap LK hard for the "not enough gin" comment.

And you were worried about having a Christmas baby... how long are you overdue now? Good luck for keeping your legs crossed tonight ;)
Happy New Year!

Almost American said...

Ah - that brings back memories of being pg with DD! I didn't try to the trampolining or the breast pump (didn't have one at that point) but tried the rest. Don't think I cleaned the floors, but I do remember hoovering the ceiling! (Yes, really - with the extension wand thingy of course!) At 10 days overdue, the doc finally insisted on an induction. That didn't work either and DD finally had to be forcibly evicted by C-section. She's still stubborn now!

ExpatKat said...

Just popped by to check on your situation. Hilarious! Happy New Year Ali.

Ali said...

Oh dear. Have been wondering where you'd gotten to and was hoping you'd be not pregnant. I'm sure bubs will be along soon. I always go past 41 weeks so I know how you feel. Good luck!

Expat mum said...

Sleepless nights, sore nipples, sheer exhaustion. Surely that's enough to make you enjoy your last days before this all happens. Good luck!

Hyphen Mama said...

'not enough gin' Holy heck you're funny. I hope Creature #2 comes soon... for your sake. And for your husband's.

Summerland girl said...

Funny post. Happy New Year.

headbang8 said...

A Muppet Ob/Gyn? I somehow picture him as a repurposed Swedish Chef.

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