Saturday, July 12, 2008

Intervention

In the past week I have;

  • Screamed abuse at my husband (whose eyebrows almost shot off his head with the speed of their upward trajectory),

  • I have been painfully blunt with my mother-in-law (never, ever a good thing)

  • I have reprimanded staff at my office with the choice words 'I'm so disappointed in both of you, you're both being ridiculously childish'. They are in their early 50s and early 60s respectively. Brilliant, Ali, *well done*.
I am wound so tight that I wake up every single night at 3am and construct arguments and flight plans in my head until I pass out again at 5am.

People have been kind enough to blame my sudden, terrifying outbursts on pregnancy hormones, but I think we all really know that that's not the truth. I feel like I'm about to lose my mind.

The sad thing is, our current situation is one that could leave me counting my blessings. Looking at my long-suffering husband, brilliant child and baseball-sized child-to-be and I could reflect that I have all I will ever really need. Except that's the problem. I'm scared to death that not only is this mess we find ourselves in sapping my will to fight, it's also leaving me a nastier person. Someone I don't want to be. Someone who thinks the bottom line is the bottom line. I am failing to cope in an insecure world and I don't like myself for it.

There are no easy solutions, and I hate whiny posts, so we're going on a road trip. That great American cure-all. We are attempting to replicate our abortive 10th anniversary trip from last year. Vegas for a couple of nights followed by LK's family cabin in Utah. A long weekend of escapism.

If we hit the jackpot the drinks are on me.

5 comments:

ExpatKat said...

They say a change is as good as a rest - hope it proves true for you. As to counting your blessings, you're not the only ones right now, so take comfort. xx

Nobby&Me said...

You're doing the right thing, getting away from it all. Have a good time and blow some cobwebs away. Sorry I've not been to visit your site lately, I have had my head up my own arse with moving house. I have been counting my possessions rather than my blessings and I am ashamed of the amount of stuff we have. I loved your list of things to save from the fire and I am getting rid of loads; where we live you just leave it on the footpath outside the house and people help themselves. We're taking bets on how long things take to disappear!
Anyway, congratulations on your impending arrival and all the best for the emotional rollercoaster. I'll visit again as soon as I have internet in Budapest.

Hyphen Mama said...

Here's hoping for a jackpot and a good rejuvenating rest.

Anonymous said...

Allison - where are you? I really miss you. Fluffy

mmennen said...

why do you think I love to travel? It's the perfect escape, even if you don't have anything horrible you really need to escape from. Maybe it's just a way to get away from our own minds, and keep them in check. So, I hear you sister! Want to go on a girl's trip? Before that next creature pops out?