Wednesday, February 18, 2009

You May Not Want To Read This

I had the big 6-week post-partum check-up today. The basic post-baby MOT which tells you whether your bits are road-worthy yet. If you catch my drift.

Now my lovely old OB moved to a swanky private practice, leaving me at 4 months pregnant with a new OB to find. I was cavalier enough to think that pregnancy was old hat, that I would be blessed with another free ride of a pregnancy and that my choice of OB was not that critical. I really should be banned from making decisions when pregnant. Anyway, my current OB came well-recommended, and allegedly treats all the doctors' wives, and as I hadn't anticipated any problems (muppet that I am) I picked him. If I had to use a word to describe him - other than male - it would be busy. I understand that if you want a bedside manner you should get a PPO not an HMO, that overworked physicians do not generally have time for hand-holding, but sometimes I rather feel like he's got me pegged as a healthy, conventional patient, so no need to pay attention. I also realize, that you should count yourself lucky if a doctor does not pay you any particular heed, no-one wants to be an interesting patient after all.

As expected my follow-up appointment went at mach speed. We screamed through post-partum contraception choices, hurtled through possible thyroid issues, and blitzed through my concerns that my uterus had fallen out.

This next couple of sentences will most likely be considered TMI for some, particularly those of you who have never pushed a melon through your unmentionables, so if you're at all squeamish you might want to click back to that webkinz site right about now.....

So, I'm not a hypochondriac but 2 weeks after I had Lucy I passed some baseball-sized 'matter' that had me wondering whether to pull it out or push it back in. Sorry, told you it was rather ghoulish. Obviously, even after the joy that is recuperating from a birth, this was in the realm of the alarming. I called my doctor and trying to make light of it, mentioned that ha, ha, I think my womb just fell out, and he said 'oh, definitely not, probably just some intestines and you've got plenty of those'. Didn't bat an eyelid. It makes me want to yell 'I have a goiter' just to make him look up from his chart.

I don't have a goiter. God I hope I haven't just jinxed myself again.

Once again, feeling rather invisible, I left his office and met up with LK for lunch so that I could give him the good news. Thunderbirds are go! We went to our usual all-day breakfast place, a lovely little cafe that has excellent food and plays non-stop surf videos all day. After we'd ploughed our way through bacon, eggs and the best pancakes in Santa Barbara, I gave LK the good news.

Me: "So, I just came back from the doctors and we got the green light"
LK: "That's J Bay, Tom Curran I think"
Me: "I said we got the green light"
LK: "North Point, Oahu, man look at that wave"
Me: *glare*
LK: "What. Sorry".
Me: "I said we got the green light"
LK: "Woo-hoo!!!! That's awesome"
LK: "For what?"


Anonymous said...

So, yeah . . . I have a bit of that 'falling out' problem. Which I was MORTIFIED about. And which I refused to talk to the OB about . . . even though she could plainly see that IT WAS FALLING OUT. New insurance = new doctor. Who mentioned that it was falling out . . . but that it was normal. I want whatever dictionary she is using, because bits falling out hardly seems normal. Just repeat after me: "Kegels are my friend." And if you don't want to feel alone, I do mine at 11:00, 2:00, and 8:00 MST.

And I would love to say something snarky about LK, but I have had a similar conversation - more than once.

Little Britainer said...

I always knew I was still a foreigner here because I couldn't tell my HMO from my PPO - glad to know it's about the hand-holding - but which one is which?!? I need enlightening.

I think I have similar conversations to that one once a month. Must try getting pregnant and see whether that makes him pay more attention...

And you have two really lovely daughters there. I reckon that's worth a bit of FALLING OUT.

Anonymous said...

why did our husbands not just marry one another? Our lives would be soooo much easier, don't you think?

Expat mum said...

Even tho' it could have been serious, I laughed so hard at you not knowing whether to pull it out or push it back in! OMG.
And yes, go for the PPO if you can.

Eden Kennedy Onassis said...

MY "matter" was only the size of a tennis ball (clearly you're an overachiever). Fortunately, a midwife called back within the hour and had a good laugh at my expense. Who knew blood could clot like that?

Anonymous said...

Holy cow, are you ok? Seriously?

Hyphen Mama said...

I feel bad for laughing. It's not funny. But the part where things come out and you're not sure what to do with SO TRUE! And all the sudden I'm feeling all kinds of normal about all the bits that I've had falling out.

And I honestly do not know if I have PPO or HMO. I must check.

Summerlandgirl said...

Wow. All I can say to this one is....glad I had a c-section. I feel like there is a whole world out there I know nothing about. This blog will help the diet today!

ExpatKat said...

Award for you at my place.