Sunday, January 17, 2010

Too Close For Comfort





















For almost two years now Anna has been old enough to use the toilet by herself. I can tell you're already thinking, this post is going to be great! She runs upstairs and only very rarely asks for assistance.

Of course, flying solo does not always go according to plan and she will often forget to wipe (don't ask how I know that) or will forget to wash her hands, or worse, I will come upstairs after twenty minutes to find that hand-washing has now morphed into 'sink soup' involving soap, horrifyingly healthy squirts of Molton Brown lotion and toothpaste.

She can't use the facilities by herself when out and about though, so in that case we always have to go together. She has a fear of 'rheumatic toilets', read, automatic toilets, the ones that flush when they no longer sense your presence. A little troublesome if you're a waif of a 4 year old as they often decide you're no longer there when you're in the middle of your very delicate procedure and WHOOSH! the terrifyingly loud cyclonic action flushes right beneath your tiny derriere. She will hold back the Nile if it means avoiding a rheumatic toilet.

For the last two years going together to public bathrooms has been an adventure. I will long remember her heartfelt cry of 'You did it Mom! You did a poop!' in the Nordstrom stalls, 'this one's going to be a Dada poop' at full volume in a posh restaurant loo, or my least favourite 'your butt is really hairy Mom' (at 8 months pregnant bikini waxes were not high on my agenda). Her latest gem, uttered last weekend in our local cafe toilets, really cracked me up. We were washing our hands, wondering, with barely concealed excitement whether the hand soap was going to be white (usually), blue (boring) or pink (squeal!) when she turns to me and says...

"Err, Mom, I think that you're forgetting that you left some toilet paper in my butt'.

You're on your own there sister.

12 comments:

aibee said...

Ah yes, the Bathroom Stall Exit Walk Of Shame.

My most memorable was after my son yelled at me to "SQUEEZE IT OUT YOUR BOTTOM, MUMMY!" and then, moments later, "OH, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!".

Like I'd actually DONE something in there.

Awesome.

The Prodigal Tourist said...

SOO pleased those days are over...a few funny memories of course, though I can't post them or I shall never be forgiven (we're at THAT age now).

queersome said...

haha! you know, she's going to hate you for this post when she's older, right? ;)

Flav-ImagE said...

;)) ... quite funny :-)

Carrie said...

My 6 six year old has always been scared of the automatic toilets too. I don't know how many times she will be mid-stream and that toilet will flush, causing her to LAUNCH off the seat like its on fire.
If it wasn't so traumatizing to her it would be soooo freakin funny!

Muddling Along Mummy said...

Oh cripes - there is a whole new world of parenting that I hadn't realised to come ... eek !

Ali said...

It's fabulous just how long you remain completely aware of their bodily functions isn't it? I would love it if they were born toilet trained.

Colleen said...

I read your post and then came across a suggestion in a parenting magazine--carry some post-it notes in your purse and when you come to an automatic toilet, put one across the sensor on the back to prevent it from flushing too soon. Hope it works!
My 1.5-year-old has been terrified of public restrooms since birth--the loud noise of the automatic flushing scares her. I'm sure this will continue to be a problem when she is potty trained, too.

FeatherDuster said...

Love reading your posts. This one is a real gem.

貼心 said...

一個人就像一個分數,他的實際才能是分子,他對自己的評價是分母。分母越大,則分數的價值越小。..................................................

mmennen said...

This one made me laugh out loud so hard I almost had another coughing attack!

Wife Overseas said...

Only this morning did my daughter remind me that our toilets are not like the ones in Amsterdam airport. We have had to adopt the carrying hold, as for when peeing outside on the road verge, for all automatic toilets. Calls for careful aim but otherwise works. Airplane toilets are another hazard for which we've had to adopt a different method. Can't reveal it here though for fear of permanent ban on Delta.