Friday, December 28, 2007

Auf Wiedersehen

I've just said goodbye to Mum and Dad, something that never gets any easier. A sadness and a heaviness sets in, like grief. One thing I've learned over the years is that the throat-tightening and the tears will go away, but that the heaviness needs to be dealt with, that being sad is such a ridiculous waste of time.

The only way to do this is to have a plan - I need to have the next visit if not booked then at least penciled in. This time I am lucky enough to be seeing them in only three months as it's my brother's wedding in April. Usually when we say goodbye, sad hugs saying all that we cannot, it's for at least a year. This time they will be seeing Anna before she's grown much bigger, before she makes another giant unrecognizable leap from babyhood. Crikey, three months might not be enough time for them to recover from the last fortnight of non-stop Dora, WonderPets and Nemo.

The fact that I'm seeing them soon made this morning a little more bearable. It certainly made me a nicer person to be around over the last couple of days. Usually I'm so eaten up with anxiety and portentous gloom that I have LK looking at me wondering what on earth he's got himself mixed up with and where my loyalties truly lie. On those lines it doesn't help that I know that this situation is entirely self inflicted. Just add a big dollop of guilt to that simmering stew of loss.

Saying goodbye, even if it is only auf wiedersehen does seem so very wrong. A fact that's inescapable when you break down because your toddler has just asked 'are you coming back Ganny and Gandad?'.

Ouch.

So I've concluded I need to take matters in to my own hands. Not move back to the UK of course (have you seen the exchange rate?!), no I've decided that having another child will force Mum and Dad back for a visit - and besides right now the exercise would do me good. Talk about making your bed and then lying in it!











































OK - I realize that was a bit drastic. I know I'll stop being sad soon. As LK said 'think about poor me, my Mom's been gone for a whole month'.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sophie is looking over my shoulder at the beautiful pictures of your family and then asked me "when anna grows up will she speak england?" I sure do hope so. I can relate to your heavy heart, it only makes those moments with family together more precious. Your parents are wonderful, but you already know that don't you. I didn't realize how much you look like your mum until I saw that photo of her holding Anna. Dude,shes hot! Love, Jennifer

Rachel said...

I almost cried reading this because my family just left the UK yesterday! I'm new at this so I'm finding it so hard to cope. My son ran around looking for his Ama and Papa and it hurt so deeply to tell him they had gone back on the airplane.

I'm loving your blog1 I can relate so much!

Daffodilly said...

I know how you feel...been there & done that! It never gets any easier... I still cry after 12 years.

One word of warning I have 3 kids & that is too much for the grand parents these days.....

Here is a toast to three months it will fly by.

Daffodilly

jenny cook said...

saying goodbye stinks! my parents live two blocks away and seriously - i miss them sometimes. i sure hope the next three months fly by for you. :)

AliBlahBlah said...

Thankyou all, I'm doing better - able to tolerate Anna searching for Granny and Granddad to read her a book without dissolving in to tears. My stiff upper lip is trembling back in to position. Normal service to resume shortly....

Veronica said...

That's why I am so glad to live close to my parents.

Honestly I don't know how you do it.

(((hugs)))

mmennen said...

These are such great photos - you're parents look like Santa Barbara natives! Maybe they should move here for part of the year when they retire? They could live in our place when we are gone..... wait, but then I would miss seeing them again! I am so sad that I did not get to hang out with them on this trip....

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