Thursday, September 30, 2010

Cindy Crawford I Am Not

Yesterday I finally became a true Southern Californian. Did I decide to drive rather than walk to my mailbox? Wear flip-flops to work? Refuse to pronounce the letter 't' if buried in a word? No, ­the true mark of any So Cal resident is a dermatological facial wound.

I have had a 'minor procedure' to investigate a suspicious mole. I've had this mole for my entire life and only in the last few years has it become suspect. It is a birthmark on my right cheek that people somewhat generously called a 'beauty mark'. It turned lighter recently, and may have grown a little south but perhaps that's age more than anything. Well, that's what I was telling myself for the last 3 + years before I did anything about it. My doctor did not seem unduly concerned, but suggested we better be safe than sorry. Safe means results in a week and me rocking a weeping facial wound like it ain't no thang. Because that's what people do round here. You see them every day, feet in flip-flops, latte in hand, bandaid on face/shoulder/forearm.

Gauze, it's the new black.

When I woke up this morning my face looked like a war zone. I must have opened the wound in my sleep because the blood had seeped through the bandaid and down my face. Nothing says morning sex like a weeping facial contusion.

Of course the girls were all over it in a second.

"Oh Momma" whispered Anna. "Does it hurt? Can I see? Can I touch it?"

Lucy on the other hand was far more interested in the hows and whys.

"Happened?"
"It's nothing Lucy, Mumma just has an owie on her face."
"Happened?"
"It's nothing love, it doesn't hurt, but please don't stick your fingers right there"
"Happened?"
"Nothing, but maybe now's a good time to put sunscreen on you"
"Happened?"
"Lucy, we've been through this"
"Happened?"
"I feel like you're not listening to me"
"Happened?..
"LK, your baby. Bye!"

Needless to say I'm a little worried about taking the bandaid off. My girls will have a field day. I hope everything's fine. I hope I don't get a massive keloid scar the likes of which I'm sporting on my left shoulder. Apparently they don't generally appear on the face. I know I sound flippant, worrying about aesthetics when they are doing a biopsy, but it's the only thing I am allowing myself to be concerned with right now. The other stuff is unthinkable.

Still, if it truly is a dodgy mole it would be a great reason to move back to the cloud cover of dear old England. On the other hand it might just be cheaper to buy a sunhat.

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