Happy Bloomin' New Year!

What New Year is complete without the purchase of one of these lovely items? Reasoned my thoughtful husband.

First of all, what the chuff? Why on earth do I need a body fat monitor and scale when I have the zipability of my trousers to measure these things by? And also - I just had a chuffing baby! OK, so that last excuse is wearing a little thin (unlike most things) but honestly, who would buy such a thing and also buy his wife this....

It hardly seems fair. So apparently my body fat ratio is this:-



And I was feeling a little disappointed, and not a little ambushed as I was made to try this torture-scale out after eating Beth's fabulous chicken casserole for dinner. I tried to take a wonderful photo of this casserole for your delight and delectation, but it just turned out looking like a big pile of lumpy lard. Hmmm. Funny that. Besides, why should I trust the recipe of a woman who is capable of flushing her cell phone down the toilet? I mean, does anyone honestly not look before they flush?! And what did she think when she heard that ca-thunk-thunk-thunk as it flushed? 'Crikey - I need to start eating some bran in the mornings?'. I bet she checks now, that's all I have to say.

Anyway, I was feeling a tad sorry for myself, so I did what any self-respecting woeful person does, and I had a bit of wee, and lo and behold I gained 0.8% of my body fat. What the chuff? I was getting fatter by the second.

Honestly though, 33% lard? That can't be right. I'm going to try it again first thing tomorrow morning and let you know.